Texts for Life

In my head at the start of the year I planned to restart blogging and aim for 20 episodes/ blogs for the year, giving me two a month with some grace leeway for the busy times.

So my second entry for the year is already belated and using a grace slot. It is part of a Sermon series we are running at Kerith Community Church with lots of guest bloggers, and today is my turn.

Please click through the links at some of the great previous entries and enjoy.

http://textsforlife.org/

Sometimes you need to check the spelling

On Sunday in church we were asked to spend some time listening to God as He had a word for each of us that He wanted to speak over our life this year.  As I closed my eyes I smiled as I had already heard God speak, my word was hope, and I started to pray but my thoughts kept being interrupted by the word 'no'.


My words not hope? I asked, 
'no' came the reply, 
so what is my word?
'no' again.  

I dismissed this as there was no way my word for the year was 'no', I was not going accept what I thought was a negative word, this was to be year of change and growth and I had decided that hope was my word, I needed hope to be my word. I was clinging onto hope.

Throughout the night I wrestled with this, each time I prayed, or thought of the word hope I heard 'no' and eventually after a rubbish sleep I woke and as I started my quiet time thanking God for the hope I had for the day and heard once again 'no'.... I argued back asked why, why could I not have hope, why did I have to have 'no'?

And then, as I really listened I heard the word one more time, 'know', be still and 'know'.

So my 'hope' borne out of a place of uncertainty, from a situation I felt alone, something I was clinging onto,  has  been replaced with a 'know' coming instead from  a place of assurance and has me wrapped in security.

Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God;

If it was good enough for Moses it's good enough for me!

Here is my first 2012 ramble.......

I have a good life, I have a wonderful caring funny husband with an infectious laugh, talented amazing kids, family who support us and friends that make the journey of life such good fun. I also have a great job, I manage events for our church, and get to combine my organising skills and love of people in one roller coaster ride.

In December God put the brakes on the ride as I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. the timing was not great, I would be away for all the Christmas events and not surprisingly Christmas tends to be quite big in my job! He was gracious with me and I knew it was coming up so I had time to put plans in place for all the events at church and home and then I had to walk away and let others take on the reins.

Delegation is not an easy thing for me and I really don't know why. I know that plenty of people can do what I do, that my way is not always the better way, but somehow I struggle to ask, not wanting to impose, or put people out. Sometimes this gives me a task list overflowing and I hit headless chicken mode, cramming my days with good stuff and then the God stuff slips off track and the days become like treacle.

But earlier in the year God had been putting things in place to help me and since September I have had a Kerith Academy student working alongside me. These young guys and girls give a year to Kerith, to learn, to serve and work in different ministry areas. I know Pauline is learning but goodness me she is helping me to learn too. I have had to delegate stuff to Pauline so that she can learn and this process has been has been a revelataion to me, she takes full ownership of tasks she gets and does them amazingly, and importantly she does them her way and to my surprise I am cool with that. Both Pauline and the amazing Kerith Team of staff and volunteers picked up all my tasks during my recuperation, and did amazing jobs putting on amazing events.

For me I am now going into 2012 with a renewed attitude to delegation, handing over, seeking help, because it's so much more fun, relaxing, growing to do things together and share responsibility, and leaves more space for God stuff in my day. Plus there is Godly biblical principle to back up my choices, in Exodus 18 Moses is working himself day and night serving the people, getting weary and the task list ever growing.

His father in law pointed out "What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone." (Exodus 18:17-18 NIV) and with encouragement Moses finds a capable group to delegate to giving him space to do a good job with God time.....so like the title if its good enough for Moses...

xxxx

Remembering Ed

This week a friend died - he was Ed Garton and I miss him. I met Ed when he came on an Alpha course I volunteered at, and I remember his loud exuberant laugh during the meals as he shared stories with his group and his intense concentration during the talks and earnest questions as he searched for answers.

I vividly remember him committing his life to God in a quiet understated way and helping him choose a brand new bible. That bible was the first of many Ed bought and then gave away – people around Kerith and probably around the world have a bible that Ed bought, we are lucky to be one of those families.

Ed was baptised 8 years ago and the preacher Ben Davies asking the question “Who is Ed Garton?” and using Ed’s testimony as the basis of his whole preach much to Ed’s bemusement. I remember Ed gulping down water as he read that testimony, this ordinary 40 year old with no airs and graces just telling like it were, and the tears of joy I cried as he shared that journey with us.

Since then Ed has been a constant part of Kerith Life – he gave his time as he served in the car parking team, you could not miss him in his Hi Vis Jacket, huge smile, always a cheery greeting. Ed was larger than life, always took you up in the lift of life with an encouraging word. He told me I was special, he told me I’d done well, he’d tell me he loved me and my family. I don’t accept compliments as well as I should and he would often make me stand there until I admitted I believed I was good and had done well. Then I’d get an Ed hug – a both arms big bear “give us a hug” Ed hug.

Ed also took part in mission trips to Poland, Uganda, Serenje and I have heard numerous stories of how he gave of himself on these trips, both to the people he was there to serve and those he travelled with. On a recent trip to Serenje he popped into Kerith and stood rearranging his case to fit in his last minute purchase of a bubble machine, taking out stuff he wanted to fit in what he thought others needed.

I had the privilege to be part of the drama team with Ed, he was outstanding in his commitment to do the absolute best that he could be – in Word on the Street his part was not huge, but I remember his lines better than I do my own, for wherever I went I would find him rehearsing – “We are the Kings...WE are the Kings, We ARE the kings....” the emphasis on each word being tried to find the best one, asking advice, listening to advice, taking advice” even planning which arm he would raise to ensure that his Ma would get the best view of him when she came to watch.

In the recent production of The Vigil, he again gave all of himself; he encouraged others, learned his lines, followed direction and sought to improve at every opportunity. During one performance we had an impromptu photo session backstage – I hate having my picture taken, I avoid it but he implored with me and I could not resist and so the picture was taken – It is far from flattering of me but I am happy to share it because it captured the essence of that moment so perfectly and I will always be able to hear Ed’s laugh when I look at it.

In recent months I saw another side to Ed as he handled his Ma’s cancer diagnosis and her death just last month. To say he adored his mother would be an understatement; he absolutely loved her to bits and was beside himself with joy at her baptism in June. I was blessed to be able to stand with Brenda as Ed read her testimony – he read her words and then added some of his own – I leaned into her and said how proud she must be of him and she looked at me and said “I am, but he goes on sometimes and I want to get in the water......”. True words – he did go on, but with passion about his family, his God, his friends, his gratitude....it was worth listening to.

At Brenda’s funeral earlier this month Ed’s love for her, his dad and his sisters was completely exposed – he always wore is heart on his sleeve and this day was no exception, all families have difficult times and Ed’s had more than their fair share, but they all stood united and Ed led them well. Brenda Garton had taught me that whatever your children do or don’t do you just love them and love them and keep on loving them, and she loved them well and Ed honoured that in an amazing way. He spoke with passion, he sang (in a voice no one knew he had, talk about pulling it out of the bag when you need it!), and I cried not with sadness, but with pride – I was bursting with pride that my friend was doing such an awesome job.

In the days following he continued to serve, to encourage, to bless, despite his own sorrow, he continued to worship, to pray, to share, to give away, to laugh, to love with the huge soft gentle heart that God blessed him with, until that heart could give no more.

Ed was one of life’s givers; he shared all that he had –

• his time; as he served not to please people but to honour God,
• his money; not boastfully but quietly blessing others with opportunities
• his wisdom; not his opinion but wise words rooted in God
• his encouragement; loudly and intently not to draw attention to himself but to ensure that others were recognised
• his God – most importantly he shared the gospel with everyone who would listen. His heart ached for the lost and the least and he sowed seed everywhere he went and there will be some major harvest as a result of his desire that all would know his God.

Now I fleet between tears as I miss him, and laughter as I recall the many many many funny moments, sorrow when I remember his family and the huge loss that they feel and then joy when I think of him up in Heaven giving the Big Man an Ed hug.

Ed was an ordinary man who chose an extraordinary path - and I for one am blessed to have walked alongside him. Miss you lovely....

Frangible

I stumbled across a word for the day on a dictionary website while looking up another word definition and the word for Sunday was was frangible \FRAN-juh-buhl\ Capable of being broken and it sparked a little train of thought. Meringues are frangible, pottery objects bought by distant relatives that don't coordinate with anything are surprisingly frangible.....I am frangible.

It's already sounding less positive than I usually am …for most of us the word ‘broken’ means useless and we live in a throw away society so something broken is often just discarded. With meringues the breakage is very final, unless you count Eton Mess which is just delaying the inevitable albeit in a very delicious way, pottery can by glued back together but will always be weakened by the break, so what about me? What happens when I am broken.

A further look into the frangible definition threw up the word brittle, and yet when I first realized how broken I was it was not when I was “hard, brittle” but when I was “soft and yielding”. For me this was when I first met God, opening my heart, breaking down the hard defensive front , trusting that the world would not fall apart, that true friends would still be there, that my husband would still love me, I just needed to be all that God wanted me to be.

Becoming a Christian did not make me broken, let’s be clear about that, I was well broken before then but had papered over the cracks as society does not promote the broken. Take as an example a glass vase given as a wedding present that becomes chipped and so no longer fit for purpose... do you get rid of it, or banish to the loft? The more sentimental may rearrange it so the damage is not visible - turn it round to show the best side, you see it is not in our nature to show our damage to the world.

Part of the security in acknowledging I was broken was an assurance that God could restore me, that my failings would not be left on display for all to see. I did trust and I did break but my earthly thinking kept nagging me and telling me that something “restored” is never as valuable as the original, there are scars, marks, wear and tear. A cracked jug even when restored does not mean it can be used to carry water again, it is flawed, has a weak spot, and whilst my head knows that Gods restoring hand is more powerful than any earthly hand my heart lagged a little behind.

My mind has continued to wander round this subject this week and I could not work out why I could finish this blog, and I determined that this was because it left me with an unresolved issue, with a discontent in my heart, then I came across a photo I took last year with this quote.

“For most of us the word broken means useless, yet in the upside down world of Gods kingdom, broken can mean ready to be used as when a soul is broken before God and yielded. A mosaic is a piece of art that begins with broken pieces and then turns something beautiful. We are all God’s mosaic and brokenness crafted by his wise and skilful hand into a work of beauty."

And then it dawned on me in my heart – God did not just “patch up” up bits that weren’t right in the old me. My scars are not there as a reminder of my past, to be turned towards the wall to appease society but rather that God has taken all that I have yielded and broken before him and not simply tried to put it back together so that I can do my will better but has started to create something more beautiful, with a new purpose, to fulfil His will, and the cracks and flaws are essential to making that happen.

I know it’s not rocket science and I am sometimes slow on the uptake, but when I get it ...well then there is no stopping me!!

For we are Gods masterpieces (not thrown together). He has created us anew (not patched up the old) in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the things that He (not we) planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 with my own emphasis

BE-Attitudes

I was encouraged to blog this by a friend today having shared something I thought that God was putting on my heart. In truth this has been brewing for a while and I have trying to make sense of it all.

Throughout the year I have kept hearing the word “joy”, and I have taken this on board and made conscious decisions to choose joy through every day as well as through difficult situations, I have not always succeeded but I know that I have been joyful more often than I would have been had I not made the choice in the first place.

Attitudes tend to fall into 2 categories, the negative ones such as pessimism and selfishness, and positive ones such as optimism, joy, and thankfulness, and I believe that where you start has a huge impact on where you go. There are so many things we cannot change, and it is all too easy to allow our circumstances determine our disposition or outlook and yet this is not healthy. If there is something you don't like and you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Winston Churchill once said “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”.

But why is the title of this entry “Be-Attitudes”…well that is the real lesson I have been learning. Choosing to adopt a positive attitude can bring with it a whole heap of things actions, do a kind deed, forgive an unkind word, show mercy, say thankyou, give time, and we can strive to do all these but having a Be-Attitude is much more than doing a certain set of things… it involves being. I need to BE joyful, BE thankful, BE gracious, BE kind, BE blessed and then all the actions become easier.

Doing without the being is hard, being makes the doing easier and God wants me to BElieve, to BElong, to BEcome, to go BEyond , to BE.

And the best part of it all is the person He wants me to BE is me!!!!!!!

A Lesson Learned

Well 2 posts in one month - should keep one of my 2 followers happy.!!

This month I learned one of those lessons that just creeps up on you, no blinding flash of light, I did not even realise I hadn't already learned it.

About 6 years ago my mum was diagnosed with a hereditary form of cancer (she is well and in remission and all is good there), but I was told that I could have a procedure and test to see if I had it and that would be done when I was 40 as I was not symptomatic. I initially worried about it, spoke to the GP, prayed and decided to hand it over to God, He had a plan for me, and whatever that was I would face it with Him by my side. Job done I laid it down and walked away......

Last week aged 40 (and a bit) I had my colonoscopy (now thats an experience you would not choose) and got results of a nice clean healthy colon - and as I sat and processed this and tsunami size waves of relief washed over me, I sort of crash landed, not in euphoria but in sheer exhaustion that was far beyond the reaction to the medications.

Why did I feel so relieved, yes it was great news, but why did the diagnosis bring about such a huge relief, surely 6 years earlier I had given over my fears and anxieties to God, I had laid them down and walked away. Having done this I should have no great burden to be lifted, but I clearly had been burdened by this, a burden that had grown over time, surreptitiously, invading my spirit, yet I had not noticed it.

That is when I learned that what I had given to God was not my trust, but my fearful prayer that "everything will be okay God, won't it, You won't let this happen to me" and then I ignored it, and the anxiety I thought I had laid down, I actually buried deep within my spirit where it laid dormant, taking up a bit of me, a bit of my life not given to God.

Please don't misunderstand me, I have not felt a huge cloud of oppression over my life, anyone who knows me knows I err more on the perky side of life, each day I choose joy for my life, but there hidden away was my fear and anxiety and lack of trust that would always put a glass ceiling on that joy, my choices were limiting me from getting ALL that God wanted for me.

Burying problems, ignoring fears, is not the same as laying them down, and for me this will not be a one off experience, fear is a weed in my life garden, the roots are deep and the plant is hardy, and the seeds spread far, and I will need to keep digging it up and laying it down, roots exposed to be killed by the light, it will be ongoing, but I have learned to be a better gardener. I have the best tools in my God, and weedkiller comes no stronger than the Holy Spirit!